Forgiveness

At some point in your life you may be in a position of feeling wronged by someone. If someone can spark a negative emotion that can ruin your day, if it’s not constructive in helping you move forward be it anger, resentment, frustration, hurt or sadness, that someone has power over you, to take back that power you face the challenge of forgiveness.

What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of taking back the power. It is a decision to let go of resentment and emotional trauma connected to an event or set of events. It is something that you do for yourself not for the other person. The focus is on you and how you wish to respect and honour yourself and learn to happy. Letting go of emotional pain is difficult. However, forgiving someone can be hugely liberating and brings about better health with less stress and anxiety. It can bring about a sense of healing with new perspectives on many things. Forgiveness can reduce symptoms of depression and bring about greater spiritual and psychological well-being.

Forgiveness puts you in control. With that control you can also make decisions about how and when you move forward for a stronger better you. You will still remember what happened but no longer be bound and controlled by it. It will no longer be able to control the way you feel. Which will enable you to keep smiling and move forward on your own journey to success.

Being Away From Home

I always have an extra-long chat with the kids the night before I go, making sure I leave on a good note and they fall asleep knowing that I care, not just the night before but every night. The night before is restless, checking the alarm every hour to make sure its set. In the morning I get up and get myself ready trying not to wake anybody, I know my wife is awake because I am noisy haha. I give the kids a quick good bye and an I love you under my breath, give my wife a hug good bye & see you next week, get my things together and leave in the early hours to get to my flight. The airport is busy with lots of similar people doing the same as me. Seeing the same faces and having the same chats of what we had done with our families on break, always lights up the mood. Asking, how are you with the reply (living the dream) never gets old. Sit down in the airport next to a work mate getting focused for the long day ahead. I get off the plane and the suns up knowing the kids are just getting out of bed. My wife will have a busy day, doing all the things I wish I was there to help with. Push through the working day trying to get all things done. The day goes so fast when your busy. Getting back to my motel room for the week where I will stay, have a quick bite to eat and pick up my crib. Heading back to my room excited to chat to my family before bed. Honesty and trust is what’s needed to make it through. It’s a small price for me to pay, ending the phone call with I love you. Wanting to be with my family every second of the day. I’m proud of my wife for what she does when I’m not there, running the house and looking after the kids is a full time Job. Being away from home not the easiest thing to do. It’s a choice in life style that gives me a great deal of quality time home with my family, it gives me the ability to provide the best I can for them. It allows me to be able to see so many parts of their day when I’m on break. You need trust in actions and decisions from your partner while your away, you need to fit into the home life program without rocking the boat to much when you leave. There is no point in implementing a system if all parties are not on board with the decision. You must be supportive with your partner and have a clear stance on rules reinforcing the same direction. Working is easy if you have a goal in mind. Face timing the kids every night makes it easy to pass the time. I have worked out a few tricks to get them to talk to me and now they know to keep talking, not all the time but it’s better than the answers I used to get. For example: How was your day? Good. What did you do? Nothing. If I can’t get them talking, I ask. What was the best part of your day? What was the worst part of your day? Who were you kind to today? What was your funniest part of your day? How have you helped mum out today? They get excited for my return which is how I want it to stay. Special words of encouragement and honest answers are a must. Letting them talk and understanding their day, I now turn the TV off so I can listen. It’s all about the trust. The trust has been built up over the years by giving honest and real-life experiences without ridiculing their actions. If you yell and curse when they admit to you, they have done something wrong you will lose your honest chats. They will tell you what you want to hear which is sometimes not the truth. Just remember when you were you a kid, it’s your chance to set the culture to your children’s children. You may have had a similar experience when you were growing up. What do you want to be remembered for? Good honest constructive words are what you want to pass on. It doesn’t take long to be interested in their thoughts, while they are interested in yours. It’s always a bit lonely after I say good night to the kids and wife. While I’m away I must remember that she is going through it to, she also is lonely doing all that’s needed to get the kids ready for bed and everything else to keep a home going. After a long hard day at work you need to remember that it might not just be you that’s had a hard day. Work is full on and stressful but homelife can be also, it can wear you down without support. Always make time to talk about issues and solve them together, make sure your partner knows that she is not alone, and you are there to support her. I am proud knowing that my kids are safe and happy. Set goals together be it a holiday or be it something special to look forward to, have something in place to work towards, know why you are working. When it’s time to come home which is the best feeling. Fit into the schedule and try not to disrupt it too much like I do every now and then Ha ha. Life is good.

To those who know why they are working and who they are working for. Who get up every morning and work hard to provide for the people that matter to them, that would stop at nothing to rise above the odds and try their hardest to achieve goals of being in a better position than they were in yesterday, Who can wake up in the morning maybe not feeling like doing something but do it anyway. That have a drive to push through limitations and know that you will make it through. Putting one foot in front of another moving forward, there are many reasons to want to be better, find that reason and work your ass of for it. My reasons for wanting to be better every day is to prove to my kids, my wife and the people that have stood by me in my moments of weakness and to show them that effort gets you the reward. You get out of life what you put in. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. It’s Those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. So, start enjoying those little things in life, work out the steps in which you can take to achieve your future goal and enjoy the journey. You only fail if you quit, you only hit a target if you know what you’re aiming for. Anything you do in life you need a target, you need a plan a clearly defined goal, be it work, health, fitness, family. Things do change all the time and sometimes it’s not going to go your way, but if you have a plan and equip yourself with all the right tools, have a written work instruction and know what you’re end goal is you can accomplish anything.

Being a Leader

As a leader, I have many responsibilities, a big part of my job is people’s attitudes and behaviours, I have a couple of suggestions for myself to accomplish this:
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
A great leader shows his greatness by the way he treats his followers.
A great asset is to have the ability to arouse enthusiasm among your crews.
There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person such as non-constructive criticisms from superiors.
Try leaving a trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. In meetings make a point to praise individuals for specific jobs in front of other people.
Don’t give flattery, nobody wants insincerity, give honest, sincere appreciation.
If there is any one secret for results, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about the things you suggest.
Lead by example – by practicing what you preach.
Be goal-orientated – direct your attention toward a solution, get the most important and urgent things done first.
Take responsibility – for your teams’ actions and their consequences.
Share the glory – A leader is only as good as the team behind them.
Know how to develop a team – Pay attention to strengths and weaknesses, create a greater level of productivity.
Communication – express ideas, listen to feedback with an open mind.
Be courageous and assertive – be willing to face any challenges and obstacles so they can achieve their own goals and goals set by you.
Be confident – part of this confidence is having faith and feeling secure in yourself and not needing to be accepted and loved by others, lead your team to its common goal.
As a leader the example you set is the behaviour your team will follow, good or bad. If you promote someone with undesirable behaviours or habits, don’t be surprised if your entire team starts showing them as well.
The standard you walk past is the standard you except.

Reference http://www.amge.com.au/blog/2015/5/21/9-tips-from-dale-carnegie-about-how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people

My Story

I moved to Sydney when I was 2 just me my older Brother my Mum and Dad, my family was heavily involved in soccer indoor and out. Always first there helping set up. We were in a big flood and we lost everything having to swim across the road to get to safety, we moved around a lot. My Dad was a builder and in my eyes probably one of the best he was a perfectionist in his trade, my Mum was sporty and caring we didn’t have much but we didn’t go with out. My Dad got offered a job in a small country town which he took and we packed up all are stuff and headed there, leaving all are friends behind for a fresh start. I didn’t fit in very well and found it hard. My parents bought a house across the road from a swimming pool, I was there the majority of the time when I wasn’t at school (I still hold a few records at that pool today). At school I was always that little bit shorter than everyone else, and my class mates would always remind me of this fact. I had a few issues going on at home and often felt alone. My Mum left my Dad for reasons I did not understand which I do now (we lost 10 years in this process but have made amends) and I stayed with my Dad who had his own demons to deal with, lots of people who we came to know helped us out in this small town and I am thankful for all who tried to help me. Me and my Dad did not see eye to eye, my Brother had his head screwed on left home and joined the military excelling in all areas of his career. While I got a job on weekends in a local supermarket my Dad remarried to a lovely lady and I got a step Sister and Brother, I left home in not the best way, and started my apprenticeship as a Chef. I moved into lots of different houses while I was doing my apprenticeship. I started doing lots of silly things which got me in a bit of trouble with the law. I had a lot of anger issues and trust issues which got worse if I started drinking which I did often. One thing I am thankful I got from my Dad is my work ethic it didn’t matter what state I ended up in I always went to work. I didn’t have any were to live for a short time and I use to come back to the restaurant after every one had left and make a bed on a few chairs using a table cloth for a blanket and have it all put away early before anyone else arrived and start morning preparations. I was lucky enough to meet a man that owned a cement Depo which had a lunch room and showers and he let me live there providing I kept an eye on the place at night and locked up. It was great my oven was my heater. I had to drive an hour to go to Tafe so I bought a car. I lost my license several times for drink driving so I was back to asking for lifts riding my bike and hitch hiking, my relationships wouldn’t last because of my own insecurities and trust issues which followed me wherever I would go, my drinking along with other addictions and crowd was getting me in lots of trouble. (If you shit on your door step you end up smelling) my brother who was high up in the military knew of my struggles and helped me apply for the military as well. I got my trade as a chef and also got accepted into the military. I had a few months to wait till I joined so I ended up going fruit picking 55cents a bucket with some friends and met some great people on the way. I went through recruit school it was a different group of people all wanting the same thing it was a great feeling. I recommend any military service to anyone who needs direction or is unclear about their path. I have always been good at adapting to my surroundings, meeting some great people I am still friends with today. When I was in a controlled environment I excelled. But when left to my own devices I fell, were many could have a casual drink, I took it to the next level always with my past getting blown out of proportion and ruining my night and for those around me. It’s not easy to accept when we have a problem thinking you can handle something only to repeat the same mistakes over and over. I got based in the same base as my brother which was great for a while, with his career progression he moved away again. In the military I was lucky enough to see lots of different countries and assist in lots of different opportunities that help disaster struck areas. I started getting in trouble again for similar issues I had before, and out of work I would do the same stuff that would get me in trouble. The military noticed that I wasn’t performing at my best probably because I was acting like a dickhead, and sent me to an 8 week rehab I had to attend AA every day and see lots of Counsellors and psychologist at first I hated it but once I became honest with myself I started working through my emotional issues and people that could control the way I felt. I had a choice to stay the same and blame everyone for my current situation or make something better off my life and be the person I always wanted to be. All I needed to do at the start was so a day at a time. I’m not religious at all but through AA I found my own God a God of my understanding who wanted me to never give up, and if I did fall to dust myself off and not make the same mistake again, when I got out off rehab I continued going to AA I recommend anyone to go to AA if you have any issues involving alcohol because it’s not just about drinking it’s learning how to live and be whole, going through the steps is one of the best things I completed in my life and I like to go through them with any one who needs, the serenity prayer has been a useful tool and is still apart of my life, i kept attending AA meetings when I had got back into my military life and also to try to control myself and limit my time alone. I took up a part time job making coffee in a cafe, I met my wife not to long after this and she was the first girl I was truly honest with, I moved out of the area and groups that I new so well and we moved to a mining town. I went door knocking to get a job in the mines, I still wanted to attend AA but there was non in this town so I started up my own AA meeting and had a few members after some time. I was working on the surface until I met a bloke that told me if I played football for the town he would get me a job underground I had never played AFL but my rugby skills would come in handy once I learned the rules. My mining career was going good, my partner and I was getting pretty serious and we wanted to take it further, I reached out to my mum to make amends having lost 10 years through a lot of reasons, it was a good step for me. I got married and we had are first child my mum came to live in the same mining town to reconnect even more, through this time I took on a lot of extra courses in mental health and received my diploma in counselling, this was all to get my own head working out issues so I could be the best person I could for my wife and for my kids, the more I learned about myself and other mental health issues the better version of myself I became,. I was captain of the mines rescue team, the safety rep on crew after completing my IFAP course and I developed a passion for training in the art of Brazilian Jujitsu, I had always loved training in different sorts of martial arts but jujitsu for me was my calling and still is today, it has humbled me in ways that only practicing jujitsu people would understand. I moved up in different roles of underground work until I was an Airleg Miner which suited me fine it was hard work and i got paid for what i did. The money was good but so was the danger, some times I use to sit on a rock and gather myself after there was a change of ground which was common in underground work. I would write letters to my wife my son and my future kids just in case anything would happen, I continued moving up in mining and became a underground Shift Boss moving to different mines and moving towns. I started working for a great company who put safety first and now I am an underground foreman. I’ve also competed in several Brazilian Jujitsu tournaments which I will talk about in another post. A year ago I started flying in and out for work, so my kids can have the best schooling I can give them, all the while offering lots of support and counselling to whoever has needed it, I have been to a few schools to tell my story and offer support, knowing anything is possible if you have help and are willing to move forward in your life. I am 38 now married for nearly 11 wonderful years 2 kids who I have the best bond with and a new one that is getting to know me, my story is not the best one and it’s not the worst one but it’s my story this is definitely the PG version to what I could of told, my journey is far from over and I’ll never stop trying to be better than I was yesterday, I try my best in all that I do and I make mistakes, but I do learn from them and I’ll never give up. I have a good relationship with all my family and am thankful for my journey so far. My career today is dealing with lots of people getting the best out of my team, I love my job and I love my life. I want to give help to anyone that needs it, and continue growing in all areas of my life.