We had 2 kid’s going great and we had more love to give so said let’s have another pair, it didn’t happen straight away but it wasn’t as if we weren’t trying, we planned a skiing holiday and just before we left my wife found out that she was pregnant. We were excited it was a 9 year gap between kids, we felt we were in a great position a little older and more experienced. We had moved to a bigger location for my growing family to have more opportunities. It was great news everything seemed to be going well.

We went to have a scan to see how things were going and got told we had to get some further testing as there were some abnormalities on the scan. We got told there was an issue and showed a big black spot in her Large intestines, our world was torn apart not knowing what to do and how to deal with this situation.

My wife starting having weekly scans at the gold wing hospital to monitor what was happening throughout the scans the same blockage could be seen and they told us there was a one in 3 chance it could have Down syndrome and parts may not work properly. I was working away on a 8 and 6 roster and everything in our lives got hard. The stress and anxiety that we went through was overwhelming on us both and I can’t imagine what my wife went through. For me it was this feeling of helplessness and heartbreak . We were both healthy why us. As the scans went on the specialist said it may be a blockage in her small intestines but they could not work out exactly what it was scanning a small baby inside my wife’s belly every week, praying for a different outcome. Wishing it was me and feeling as a failure, what have I done and how are we were going to get through this. We were emotional drained and the 2 older kids had to spend alot of time with us waiting in hospitals trying to get answers. As time went on with the scans, we got new news that it wasn’t a blockage in her intestines it was a duplicate duodenum which is a double up on some stomach organs we did not understand what was going on, they said there is a chance that if food passes into this one it may not be able to come out, we were told it would be an emergency C section and possibly followed up with an emergency operation once the baby is born.

I needed to be home, I couldn’t be away from my family, not knowing what was going to happen to us, we were at breaking point, so I left my job and found one we’re I could be home every night. I always thought of myself as a strong person but through this period I felt weak, helpless and broken, trying to give my oldest 2 the attention that they craved but focused on what we were going through, it didn’t feel right.

On the 25th of January we welcomed our little girl into the world, she didn’t get to spend time with her mum she went straight to the neonatal ward for tests to see if her insides worked properly, she screamed and cried as they put dye through her system so she could be ex rayed, after a few hours they let me feed her some formula and felt they didn’t need to operate straight away. My wife was brought down in a bed to the ward, unable to walk after the cesarean only being able to visit her for a short period. To my horror I had found out that my wife’s epidural had not lasted and during her being worked on could feel everything and there was nothing they could do. I spent the night in the neonatal ward with my new baby girl while she was being monitored. I sent photos up to my wife who was in the bed up a few floors, they let my little girl sleep on my chest. I had never been so excited to see a baby poop, I could finally take our new daughter up to see her mum it was very emotional and sad as my wife hadn’t got to spend the first bit of quality time with her, she hadn’t produced any breastmilk as yet. My son and daughter got to meet there new sister who seemed very alert. It was great to see our daughter finally in my wife’s arms but there was a lost emotional connection and sadness over her being separated from her daughter.

We got to take her home and started having weekly scans at the children’s hospital as there was still a major risk that if this thing in her stomach took on any food she would not be able to get rid of it, which could turn into an emergency operation at anytime. Each week my wife would drive an hour to the children’s ward wait for as long as needed and our daughter would go into an MRI machine for 15mins at a time then after a couple of days head to the specialist waiting for the results it was straining not knowing what was going to happen.

As she grew and no longer stay still they put her in a bean bag and sucked the air out of it so she was locked secure and couldn’t move, she would were a set of head phones on her little ears and spend 15 mins in the MRI machine screaming wanting to get out. All I could do was cry. We noticed when trying to hold her that if her arms were being hugged she would wave them around trying not to be restrained.

As she got bigger we we’re getting better news as the duplicate duodenum stayed the same size and her body was growing, the surgeons still wanted to operate and do it in an open theatre, This was reasonably rare effecting 1 in 10 thousand and normally found in adults, I was open to the operation if it had to be done and didn’t mind it being viewed as I thought this would be the best care we could get, having a lot of attention and the best surgeon involved. There was only one surgeon in Australia that would operate on such a young patient and he was stuck over east due to COVID so this was to be delayed unless turned into an emergency.

The weekly scans turned into monthly scans and now they are at 6 monthly still showing the same thing except her body is growing and this abnormality staying the same. I don’t want her operated on anymore unless they can prove to me there is a risk as I no longer think there is. As much as this has been an emotional roller coaster we are lucky and blessed to have 3 amazing kids all unique, I will not have any more and taken measures to prevent this haha, I personally do not want to go through this heart wrenching experience again and will do my best to give the 3 that we are so lucky to have to best version of me, to grow into the best versions of them.

We have got through so many hurdles together and we are extremely grateful for what we have. I have since returned to my former role which I enjoy and it’s a great work life balance which gives me quality time, to spend with the ones that I love.

I don’t pray for an easy life, I pray for the strength to endure a difficult one and make the most out of the life that I have.